Hasta Luego

I wish I could savor every moment I had in my last weeks in Mexico. I wish I could put them in a glass jar and never forget them. I wish I could relive them over, and over because they truly were the best weeks I had during the year I spent there. I think it's because I knew everything was getting real, that everything was coming to an end, and that I needed to cherish every last moment I had with the kids. There were a lot of tears, most of them on my end, and a lot of reliving the memories we had all made together. I think one of the favorite moments that was brought up was "Katie, remember when you arrived and you couldn't speak any Spanish?!" Nope, I do not remember that at all (insert heavy sarcasm).

I was lucky in not missing the holidays too much while I was away for them. I mean don't get me wrong, because I always missed my family, but I think of lot of it had to do with the fact that there wasn't any snow and it was the same 75 degrees it had been all year that made it seem like it was not really Christmas. Whether it felt like it or not, an NPH Christmas will be one I will always treasure. On the 23rd we went down to our little kid home and spent two days there so that we could all celebrate together. We didn't do anything too special during the days other than be present among one another. 

On the 24th we celebrated Christmas Eve in a very different way than I ever have.. we had mass in the stable! Can you imagine?! When I first heard that my instant thought was "que asco!" ("how gross!"), but one of my girls explained to me, "Katie, Jesus was born in a stable, so why wouldn't we have mass in our stable." I was grateful for her helping me refocus on the meaning of it verses the location. So even though we had a few strong whiffs of the pigs, it was my favorite mass I have been to in my life. In total darkness of the night, with only the moon, and candles alongside the aisles as light, I remember looking up at the stars and feeling so present that I didn't even care that I had a constant stream of tears flowing down my face. After mass, I saw the biggest firework display I have ever seen in my life, ate dinner with the kids, and then we returned to Cuernavaca and continued the night with a huge bonfire, a dance, and ponche and tamales (a traditional Mexican Christmas drink and meal). Everything about that night was absolutely perfect: the laughs, conversations, stories, silence, burning our hands trying to roast marshmallows. It was incredible and it is something I truly hope I never forgot. The next day was a time for relaxation and rest, so it was a great time for me to be able to Skype with my family and continue spending time with the kids. 

The rest of the end of 2016 is currently a blur, mainly because I had so many conversations, continued building relationships, and saying goodbye. I was constantly telling the kids on my last day with tears running down my face "It's not goodbye, it's hasta luego." The tears would keep flowing as they told me I was family, that I always have a home to return to, how much much they loved me and would miss me, and ways I affected their lives, and would give me a hug and a kiss. 

I wish I could have let every single one of them know how much they changed my life. How much they changed my outlook on brokenness and healing. How much they changed how I love and receive love. I loved them like I believe I would love my own children-- they made me happy, mad (though not too often), proud when they got 8, 9, or 10 on their grades, scared when I saw them wipe out playing a sport or doing a stunt that wasn't so safe, and overjoyed whenever we had a deep conversation. I couldn't imagine welcoming 2017 with anyone but them. We laughed, we danced, we hugged, and wished that we would have a prosperous year. 

I know that it won't exactly be the same when I go back, but I have only been gone for two weeks and I can't wait to return. I can't wait to receive 40+ hugs in one day, speak Spanish constantly, hear about what is going on in their lives, but most of all I can't wait to be present with them again. I am grateful for technology, shoutout to Facebook and Whatsapp, so I can keep in touch with them in between my vacations down south. But most of all, I am grateful for them.

Well, that is all folks. Thanks for following my blog for the past year. More than anything, thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout the year, encouraged me when I was in tears, and who listened to all my stories even though they don't personally know the kids, I couldn't have done it without you. I hope that it was able to provide a little more in depth of a look into the NPH volunteer life, but even more so I hope it will be assistance for any future volunteers. If you are thinking about volunteering with NPH Mexico in Cuernavaca, it won't be perfect nor smooth sailing, but do it. Your life will be changed in countless ways. Thank you God and thank you NPH.

Hasta luego y bendiciones,
Katie

What I Found in an Orphanage

A little over a year ago, when I was telling people about what my next year was going to look like, the response after a few times was pretty predictable: "what a beautiful thing you are doing"; "that is going to benefit your future so much"; "I always wished I did something abroad when I was your age." I wasn't going down there for any of those reasons. I went down there because I heard a call from God and I listened to it.

When I arrived to Casa Buen Señor in Santa María, Cuernavaca, it was not what I expected it to be, quite frankly. I expected to find sadness, brokenness, and those who needed repairing. I mean, isn't that what you imagine what you think of an orphanage? We've all seen the heartbreaking commercials from the 90s: donate now and your money will go to an orphan in need. 

Instead of sadness, I found joy.  
"Oh, I could never do that, it would be so sad," was another very common response I heard when preparing to come down to Mexico, and honestly, I figured there would be a lot of sadness as well. I remember one day when I was telling my grandma a story of one of the kids, she said "they seem really happy," and that is when I was reminded of all the people who said how sad my next year was going to be. The kids, in general, are very happy teenagers; of course not every single one of them is and not all are consistently happy. They haven't allowed their past to define them, instead they are moving or have moved forward and found joy. A day or night at the home is one that I would find anywhere else working with teenagers: laughter, games, playful teasing, and casually hanging out. 

Instead of brokenness, I found hope. 
These kids have been through a lot, some more than others. I give them credit, it's not easy to go through what they have, but to come out on top, with good attitudes, and smiling is even more impressive. I found courage that even when life is not easy you have to keep on going, you have to never give up. This year was uncomfortable. It was hard to be away from family for a year, it was hard to lose my grandpa at the beginning of my time there, and it was not fun being submersed in a place where I didn't know the language. But I learned that being in an uncomfortable season of life isn't always bad. It's messy, it keeps you on your toes, and it has you questioning at times. But it is when we are uncomfortable that we learn so many lessons; lessons of trust, timing, how to be content but not complacent, and where our hope is found. 

Instead of those that needing repairing, I found love. 
One of my favorite things that my teenagers have taught me about is love. A truly amazing thing that I saw nearly every day is sharing. These teenagers don't have a lot, so when I first saw how much they loved to share I was shocked. For example, if they have two cookies and six people are in the room, they will split it so that everyone gets a piece. As I write this I am wearing a tshirt that two of the kids bought for me with their Christmas money that was a donation from a foundation in the States. I said in passing while shopping one day that I really liked it, but that I didn't have money on me that day to buy it, and they gave it to me as a going away present in addition to four beautifully hand made flowers. I was floored, they only receive money twice a year and they chose to spend some of it on me. While they didn't always show love perfectly, they showed it like we all do. We don't love one another 100% of the time, but we find our way to say sorry, to ask for forgiveness, and to learn to trust that individual again. 

But, most importantly, what I found in an orphanage is what I hope that everyone finds one day. I hope it fills you and gives you hope even in the darkest of times... 

What I found in an orphanage is God.