Maybe I am writing this more because today is a day where I need to be reminded of all that is going well in my life. Maybe I am writing this because some days are harder than others. Maybe I am writing this more for myself than anything. Maybe, just maybe. Tal vez, solo, tal vez.
I am not writing this on a day where everything is sunny and perfect (although that is exactly how I would have described the weather today). But today is a day where I need to remind myself of everything that God is providing. A day where I need to be thankful for everything that has led me up to this experience in my life. A day where I need to remember that it is more important to console rather than be consoled, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved (St. Francis of Assisi Prayer).
The children
The children here are so beautiful and patient. Yesterday one of the kids came up to me to just chat. We have struck up a deal where she speaks English to me and I speak Spanish back. That way we are both practicing the language that we are trying to become fluent in. During the conversation she handed me a sheet of paper that she is going to be reading in English for a Día de Padrinos (Godparent's Day, NPH Godparent's= sponsors) video NPH is making. In her letter it had a section for thanking the volunteers, for all the hugs, love, and silly games and dances we do with them, for being the light to their days. After I read it she said "Katie, thank you for coming down and volunteering to be with us." I honestly almost cried after hearing that. I am grateful for her.
They are also the most patient and best teachers. During 90% of the conversations I throw the word "como" or "qué significa es ____" (a respectful way for saying "what" or "what significance is ____") at least five times. The kids who patiently sound out the words that I have a difficult time pronouncing. The kids who have been attempting to teach me how to play soccer, although I have no idea if the day will ever come where I can implement a four step kick into the play. The kids who have shared their secrets with me, who have told me about why they are in NPH, who have told me about their different family problems, who have told me how much they miss home, and even when they just tell me who they had a crush on. Their smiles, hugs, conversations we have, and the love they show me despite me barely speaking their language makes so many of the stressful days worth it.
I am grateful for them.
Safety
Contrary to popular belief, I don't walk out of my door and am afraid of what I might encounter when I walk down the street. Only being here for three months I have yet to fear for my safety. I hope that doesn't change, but Cuernavaca and a large part of Mexico (from what I have been told) isn't that unsafe, you just have to use your head just like you would in any other large city in the world. I have a safe place to sleep and a safe place to live. We have a 24 hour security guard who makes sure that nothing will happen to the kids or the employees/volunteers that live on the property. I am grateful this.
Basic needs
Something that has been really difficult for me to see in Mexico is the poverty. I have a helping heart, so anytime I can't help someone it hurts. The kids who have been selling things on the street verses being in school, kicking around a soccer ball, or just hanging out with the friends. The families whose houses have tarps to make a roof and have cardboard covering the windows who are in the middle of their neighboring mansions. The people downtown who are homeless, severely disabled and aren't able to receive the proper medical care, and the people who are begging for money. Last week during a really heavy rainfall I started thinking about all the basic needs that I don't have to worry about, even when living in an undeveloped country. I have a roof over my head, clean drinkable water (even if there are days where we run out of water to shower with), I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have enough clothes to not repeat outfits for a over a week. As the rain was pounding down I was thinking about the families who have the tarps for roofs, what were they doing on that cold, rainy night to stay warm? I am grateful for this.
God
Out of everything in my life, I am most grateful for the one who has provided it all. The one who I can turn to 24/7 with every experience, every frustration, every joyful moment, and every moment where I just need to cry and cry. I am grateful for the Father for providing me with the ability to learn a new language, despite the fact that I am not learning as quickly as I would like. To the one who will never abandon nor forsake me, even if I forget to start my day with prayer or whisper his name throughout the day. To the one who has provided me with a beautiful and supportive family, especially my parents, sisters, and grandma. To the one who has provided me with this opportunity to serve him and my brothers and sisters, even on the days where I question why I gave up so many of my comforts in the States. To the one who has provided me with my roommates to cry to, vent to, laugh with and travel with; my wonderful boss who has become like a brother, the staff that I have become friends with, the people in this home away from home who have started to become like family. To the one who has provided everything. I am grateful for him.
So maybe I just needed to write this post to remind myself of a lot of the things I have to be grateful for. Maybe I needed to write this so that when I have more days like today I can refocus and be reminded of all that He has blessed me with. Maybe if future volunteers are reading this then they can be reassured that even though the whole volunteer experience won't be amazing literally every hour of every day, they can know that most of the time it is pretty fantastic, even in the mundane and repetitive days. Maybe, just, maybe I needed to write this so that I would know that it will all be okay and that God will provide, especially in the hard times.
Gratitude.
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